I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
