We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
