erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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