Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
