Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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