You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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