Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
