I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
