I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
