Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
