9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
