so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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