i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
