Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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