I faked an abortion last night.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
