So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
