I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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