tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
