Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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