peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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