you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
