Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
In the future we'll all be gay
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
