Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
