Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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