i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
