and i looked up. we had an audience...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
