i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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