i already hear my dad disowning me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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