i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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