I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
All I want is dick and wine.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
