Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
