I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
