youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
