Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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