i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
