I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize