i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
