hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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