a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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