oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
