I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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