so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
