just come out here and I will go home with you...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
