I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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