Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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