The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
