i don't like sucking hair
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
