yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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