Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
