It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
