Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
