every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
