i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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