is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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