either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
