:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
