I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
