I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
