Whod you bang
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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