you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
