WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
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Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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