Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
