Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
