Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
