one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
