Soap is not a condiment
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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