how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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