Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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