Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
