Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
