So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
