Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I wear drunk well.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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